Time with Parents

Time heals everything. Time gives you strength. This too shall pass. Yes, of course, it will. Time doesn't stop for anyone. Life doesn't give you an option. The only option to live life is to move forward. Did time do anything for you?

Time passes by, life is passing by. Quite contrary to the popular narrative. I feel time doesn't heal anything. Instead, it is you who has only one thing within control. That is to control the mind. You learn to shift your focus. If there were 5 things I put my focus on. Now, it has increased. Did the time change anything?

No, second passes by when I don't think about my father in the back of my mind. Every waking hour, every activity, every celebration, every setback. Any good thing and the only thought that comes to mind is "Kaash....papa ko bata paati? He would have been happy." What appears as a show-off to the rest of the world. Looks progress to your parents.

Every day after coming home. One question used to be constant. "Beta, How was your day? How did your work go?" Back then there were days I used to answer in one word "Haan, theek tha". Days when I used to be irritated or at work something was disturbing. I used to reply "All days are alike. Why do you ask the same question?" After all these years I have an answer. Life is happening. No two days are alike. The difference is, the question itself has got scraped. No one asks "How was your day?", "How were things at work?"

During summers his way of waking us up was to switch off the room fan. Assuming we on our own would wake up due to sweating. 9:00 AM in the morning used to feel 11:00 AM to him. And, we used to often hear half the day has already passed and you haven't got up yet. This time, I too tried waking you up. I couldn't wake you up. The time in the clock was the exact same. Your tricks didn't work on you. I remember asking you Where have you gone? We were yet to go places together. I was too late to question.

Winters for him used to be about waking 4-5 times in the night. To check and ensure that we are inside our blankets. And, not feeling cold.

Whenever I used to travel on my own solo to any place. He used to make sure it is all fine. Is the security check done? Have you got a cab? Is your hotel alright? Have you left your place on time to reach the other location on time? No, my phone doesn't ring now.

Getting back from work and he used to bring eatables for us. Without us asking for it. You like it so I bought it. Everything used to be a surprise gift. No, there are no gifts now.

This was his way of caring for us. Every passing day is a realization that your parents are the ones who care for you the most.

Life for him wasn't an easy ride. All sorts of struggles that one can possibly think of. Despite all of it every next day he stood up. Relentlessly kept trying. Worked till the very end. Kept smiling always no matter what.

I used to ask him Is there a day when you don't feel like going to work? He had no answer.

I was going through his things. Found my brother's passport size photograph in his wallet. Caught hold of his work diary. Surprisingly found my photograph there. We never knew about it. He never told us. He loved, he cared. This was his way.

Is there petrol in your vehicle? Do you have helmet? I know you are dependent on UPI and you can pay for yourself. But, keep cash. You don't understand emergencies. That app might stop working.

I have questions to ask you, things to discuss with you. Many life-changing decisions to make. Where are you?

Over all these years I could never muster the courage to say it to you. I could never express it either. But, the truth is "I miss you", "I love you". Life taught me the hardest way what it feels like to miss someone.

Void in life shall always remain.

I also realize that I didn't reciprocate the care I was given.

Anyhow, this was penned down because memory starts to fade away as you grow older. It is not the time that is healing. Maybe we forget? Also, every person I feel has some threshold level of listening.

Apart from everything that I picked up from you. Here are more, keep checking in on your loved ones, keep smiling no matter how tough life gets, relentlessly keep trying. Putting a smiling face on every time still doesn't come naturally to me. All of this is work in progress.

Thank you for giving life. Yes, saying it again. That no day passes by when I don't think of you. Believe you are around. ❤️ 🙂