I come from a humble background. I'm fortunate and proud that my parents raised both me and my brother equally irrespective of gender. Gave us full freedom to take our decisions on our own. I was never scolded for low grades. And, they didn't compare my performance with that of other kids. My parents gave me everything I could have ever asked for. Loss of freedom is one thing I fear when I think about the next stage in life. As girls don't have the privilege of living with their own parents and eventually it is the home that gets changed.
On 17th December my father left for his usual work visit to meet dealers present in different cities. And, strangely so there was no return. I had stories of losing parent at a young age. The only thing I didn't know was, that I shared the same fate. I considered such events to be rare events. I had the good fortune of seeing my paternal and maternal grandparents. I never accepted the likelihood that early death can happen in the family too. You don't really have any control over events that happen to you. He was merely 55 years and we lost him on December 28.
It was sudden. All it took was 5 days for life to turn upside down.
Since the beginning of the pandemic, I'm home. I got 2 years to live with him. Life is Short. Now, that I reflect upon it. Good that I was not miles apart living in a different country. I could see him for one last time.
We had this habit of having dinner together. We used to wait for him to come home and only then we used to have dinner. There is no one to wait for now. The doorbell doesn't ring. We don't excitedly rush to open the door anymore.
Despite me standing on my own feet. Whenever I had to get something from the nearby shop. He used to give me money. "Beta, paise hai....?"
I always saw him on his toes. Every day at 9:00 AM you could see him in his office formals all set to go to work. He didn't have the privilege of taking off. For months I saw him tirelessly working irrespective of what day of the week it is. Who should I look up to now?
No matter which country or which IPL teams match it is. My father and brother used to excitedly watch the full match. Be it a boundary or wicket. He used to shout in excitement. Neither can I hear his excited voice nor can I see him.
The doctors had advised him not to drive. I use to take him on the two-wheeler and go places. Throughout our journey, he used to keep teasing me. It was fun to fight. We used to laugh. Everything has become silent now. No one sits behind me. It is empty. I cannot feel the presence.
He knew what to talk about. So, that I would get irritated. They would make fun of me and together we used to laugh. Marriage used to be the topic we used to fight on. Whom to fight with now?
He wanted me to go abroad for my Master's. I personally knew given the financial situation. It was not possible. Still, every time he used to say "Who has asked you to worry about the money?"
Days when I lacked confidence or faced rejection. He made sure to give support and confidence. "It's okay. It happens."
He had one wish - to visit another country. And, all this while I kept thinking and planning when I make big in life. I'll take my parents and we'll visit a new country. The wish is unfulfilled. God had some other plans. Life has been tough for us. And, any kind of travel for relaxation. Is a luxury we never had.
Every time he used to get admitted. Maa used to rush to the hospital. And, after a couple of days both used to return. This time when Maa left. She told us to expect 7 days at least. None of us knew this time instead of both of them returning home. Only 1 returned.
Lot many conversations are still left to be done.
I wish heaven had a phone call
And, I could ask Are you doing alright?
Your daughter has grown up now. I have accepted what has happened.
20 days of putting the strong face forward and not breaking down. I have a lump in the throat as I write this. 🙏🏻
This is him with Raghu Raman. Well-known Dainik Bhaskar columnist.